Shifting Emotions
by Shuri 'in a world of black and white
Summary: A twopart fic about the night they accidentally met in HONKY TONK. 'The winter night is cold, but people's hearts are much colder...and much harsher. And I cannot go anywhere anymore...'
1. Chapter 1

_Well, this is an attempt in trying out the Japanese style of writing fanfics using English. Before, I tried writing Japanese first and translating it, butI figured out that way didn't really work, so I wrote this one in English from scratch.  
Please tell me what you think of it..._

_Disclaimer: I don't own GetBackers or any of the characters. I only wish I owned MAKUBEX right now, because I need to make a speech and it's killing me..._

* * *

People say that winter days are short, but to Ban, _that day _seemed to last forever. 

Grey sky, cold wind, sun weakly shining… Since it hardly ever snowed in Shinjuku, the city remained grey instead of being covered with white.  
It was one of those days that chilled you down to the bone, and froze your soul.

The client for that day ran off without paying, then his Beetle was towed away like usual.  
Without any money, he couldn't 'get back' his car. Ironic as it was, he needed to earn money to retrieve it.  
Just like all the other times he tried to earn money the easy way, he failed miserably.

And so the famous (if not notorious) GetBackers were left homeless for a night under the cold, winter sky.

As the sun fell after the long, long day, it became so cold that they just couldn't bear staying outside.  
Ginji went to the Infinite Castle to stay there for the night. He also invited Ban, but Ban was just too stubborn to go there.

So he stayed in the park with a can of coffee he bought with his only remaining money.

It was still bearable when the coffee was still warm. But soon enough, the can became empty and cold, and he had to throw it away.

He looked at this watch. It was just a few minutes past ten. Eight more hours till the sun comes up and the temperature rises to a bearable point.  
_Screw it.  
_He turned around and started walking to HONKY TONK.

Ban opened the door to HONKY TONK gratefully. Paul never locked the door even after the shop closed. The middle-aged man was aware of the highs and lows in the lives of the people who worked at the darker side of the city. Not all of them (it was actually only the GetBackers) had a place to stay every night. So he kept the door open all the time, in case someone needed a place to stay.

He had never felt so grateful towards anyone than when he walked into the vacant shop, which was slightly warmer than outside. Only _slightly_, but it made a big difference to Ban.

He walked to the back of the café, expecting it to be empty. Ginji was in the Infinite Castle, Shido was in Madoka's house, Himiko had her own apartment…  
So he was surprised to see Kazuki on one of the couches.

Ban was about to make a sarcastic comment. Kazuki was, after all, better off than most of them and had his own apartment. Even if he was kicked out of that, he could always go to Jubei…so what in the world was he doing there?  
But then, he stopped when he saw Kazuki was asleep.  
He went closer, getting a better view of Kazuki's face…so perfect and beautiful that it almost scared him.  
Long eyelashes cast a shadow on the pearl-like skin, and a loose strand of black, silky hair was covering part of his pale lips…making the moonlit face seem so seductive.

The darkness of the night, white shine of a pearl, pale pink of cherry blossoms…  
Beauty of nature shone form his face…or did he outshine even that?  
_Fuchoin Kazuki_.  
What a fitting name. Ban thought detachedly.

Ban reached out to touch Kazuki's face. _He looks amazing under the sun, but night suits him more…  
_Just as his fingers came in contact with a lock of black silk, he heard a voice at the back of his head.  
_Why am I doing this?  
_Why was he? He couldn't think of an answer.  
_Maybe because he is so perfect?  
_"So what? The paintings I saw in the Clayman arc were 'perfect'. I didn't go around…"  
_You want to see if he will break.  
_"No…I don't want him to break. Plus, people just don't 'break'…"  
The voice inside him laughed with scorn.  
_You know what I mean. You want to break…and possess him in every way possible.  
_"I…"  
_Don't try to lie, Ban. I know all that goes inside you._

Ban felt a shiver run down his spine as he twirled strand around his fingers. _What am I thinking? How…  
_He glared at the face of Kazuki, who was still soundly asleep.  
Then he was suddenly taken over by an urge to…touch Kazuki's skin? Before he knew it, his fingers untwirled the lock of hair and reached to Kazuki's face.  
Just as the fingers came into contact with the face, another shiver ran down his spine. He wanted _more_ of it. He wanted to see more of the ghostly skin, and to touch it…and to taint it. He wanted to see if his cursed existence was enough to stain the near-divine perfection in front of him.

Just as his fingers traced Kazuki's collarbone, Ban came to his senses and pulled back violently.  
"What is wrong with me?"  
He muttered, staring at his hands with disbelief. His heart was beating wildly and cold sweat formed on his forehead. He did not understand _anything_.  
Why?  
His inner voice just laughed at him.

"Shit."  
Ban swore under his breath. He didn't want to stay in the same place as Kazuki anymore…not after what just happened.  
The angelic face now seemed to torment him.  
But it was not as if he could go out to that darn freezing night outside.  
He sighed, looked at his hand, looked at Kazuki, then sighed again.

He went to the farthest sofa from the one Kazuki was in, both eager to get away and reluctant to lose sight. The he curled up there.  
He couldn't sleep, and didn't dare to think. He just lied down and stared at the ceiling, aware of Kazuki's presence the whole night.

* * *

_For people who didn' get the "Fuchoin Kazuki, what a fitting name" part:  
Fuchoin Kazuki is written 風鳥院花月 in Japanese. It is like an anagram for the Japanese word 花鳥風月 read "Kachou Fuuzuki", which means the beauty of nature._

_Oh, and it actually doesn't become so called in Shijuku, even in the middle of winter. So this might be a bit of an exaggeration._

_This is the first part of this supposed-to-be-a-oneshot-but-became-too-long thing. The next part is in Kazuki's point of view, so I thought I might as well separate it... Second part coming soon, hopefully._

_Anyway, please review, comment, or criticize. I really want to hear from you guys!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Okay, here comes the second part! It is Kazuki's point of view, third person narrative...ish.  
Disclaimer...uh. Doesn't that word say enough? Haha..._

* * *

If days are long, what are nights? Kazuki thought to himself on the counter of HONKY TONK.  
A brownish reflection stared back at him from his cup of café au lait.

_Café au lait._ He wondered why he ordered that particular drink that day, instead of his usual ice coffee.  
It brought back childhood memories…which was something he treasured more than anything _until that day_.  
At the moment, they were the last thing he wanted to remember.  
And yet, it was what he had held on for so long. _Too long_.

He stared at his reflection without really seeing it.  
All he could see was…Jubei.

xoxox

"_Kazuki!"  
_Jubei when he was still a kid, running around…those fun and innocent times when they both couldn't care less about the world.  
"…_Kazuki?"  
_A slightly older and troubled face, eyebrows furrowed in concern for some trouble Kazuki got into.  
"_Kazuki…"  
_Jubei, almost as tall as he is now, but not yet as mature or thoughtful…  
_"……"  
_A cold, impassive glare when they met again in the Infinite Castle…  
"_Kazuki."  
_And finally, the first time he smiled a true smile after the fight.

All of these things, which were only Kazuki's privileges until…  
_Until when?  
_His sight…which he wasn't paying attention to anyway…blurred.  
Sure, it was only today that he was told, but it should have been going on for pretty long.

Jubei, his childhood friend, his protector, his first love…  
The kind boy who gave him café au lait when he complained black coffee was too bitter.  
The person who helped him through practically his whole life and returned his love…

Who, just today, had declared freedom from the last part.  
"_Kazuki…I am sorry."  
_His voice still rang in Kazuki's ears.  
"_I love…… I cannot…"  
_"_It's okay."  
_How Kazuki had to try not to make his voice shake.  
"_I understand, Jubei. Sorry for all this trouble…"  
_And how the cold winter wind slapped him hard when he stepped outside of Jubei's apartmet.

He didn't want to go back to the empty coldness of his own apartment.  
No one…not even a thing waited for him there. He didn't need to stay there long anyway…because he spent time with Jubei.  
Now that he was gone, Kazuki felt alone. Alone in this city overflowing with people.

xoxox

When Kazuki came out of his trance, he noticed that everyone was already gone…except for Paul.  
"Paul-san, are you closing already?"  
"Already? It's 9:30. It's about time I close."  
Kazuki glanced at the clock, which actually did point to 9:30.  
"I'm so sorry I stayed so long… I'll go now."  
Kazuki stood up to leave, but he was so reluctant in doing so. Paul noticed his heavy footsteps and said in a warm voice.  
"You can stay here if you want."  
"But aren't you closing?"  
"I always leave the door open. In case a lost kid needs a place to stay."  
"But…"  
"Just don't turn the heater on. I'm already going bankrupt because of the retrieval agents' debts."  
Paul left before Kazuki could protest any further.

Kazuki was left alone in HONKY TONK, confused and a little surprised. Did he really mean that, or was he just trying to be nice?

_But then, did he want to go back home?  
_No, Kazuki concluded. No matter how freezing cold the winter might became, HONKY TONK was so much warmer than his empty apartment.  
At least, in HONKY TONK, he could remember who he was…and his role he had to play.  
In his apartment, he couldn't remember who he was, why he existed, and his importance…if he had any.

So he lied down on one of the couches, and let the freezing night detach his thoughts from his mind.

After some time, he heard the creaking of the door opening.  
A short glance, but that was enough. No way you can mistake that sea urchin head.  
Kazuki pretended to be asleep. He didn't want to talk to Ban, which only meant trouble.  
So he felt like his heart will stop beating when Ban walked straight towards him, and…touched his face.

A shudder. Kazuki didn't like it at all. Ban felt too much like Jubei.  
The person he hated for the person he loved.  
If he tried hard enough, he could almost imagine Jubei there, with his caring smile…  
But it was so hard to completely wipe out that taunting smirk outlined by black spikes from his mind.

Tears formed behind his closed lids, but Ban was the last person who he would cry in front of. Especially when he was pretending to be asleep.

He was half relieved and half lonely when Ban left him a few minutes later.  
Relieved, because he hated Ban. Yes, Kazuki _hated_ him.  
Lonely because, as reluctant as he was to admit it, he could not deny that he saw Jubei through Ban. He actually felt that he belonged somewhere again.

Only that it was not supposed to be here in HONKY TONK, and it was not supposed to be Ban.

Kazuki could only breathe after Ban disappeared to the back of the farthest couch.  
And even though _Ban_ fell asleep, Kazuki was forced to stay awake the whole night.

He was afraid of falling asleep and dreaming about Ban, not Jubei.

* * *

_So, how did you like it? Comments, things I can improve, maybe ideas for future fics? Anything, please..._

_To clarify some things: Ban and Kazuki both do not exactly like each other at this point...more likely, they hate each other. But that one night somehow attracts them to each other... Lol. Call it winter magic._


End file.
